Does the father make? Seven seconds without responding to the child has a sense of frustration
mamayuedu· 2016-05-17 17:28:10
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"content_img_p" last night, baby and grandmother very happy to play, I will go to tidy up the room.
after a while, the baby was very happy to run in and called: "Mom, mom". I said, "well, mom's in the pack! "The baby stopped for a few seconds and went out.
after a while she came in and said: "Mom, mom". I responded: "well, my mother immediately packed up oh! "Voice one falls I suddenly flash across an idea" baby why always come in to call me ", I stop the thing in the hand, walk to the baby side, squat down, looking at her to say:" baby, you are not very happy? "She smiled and said," well, then she went out again.
until I finished my room, she didn't come in to me again.
I do not know whether you have a similar experience parents, in fact, a lot of time when the child is looking for our response.
psychologist Freud once told a story in one of his works: a 3 year old boy cried out in a dark room: "Auntie, talk to me! I'm afraid, it's too dark here. "Aunt responded:" so what is the use? You can't see me again. The boy replied, "it doesn't matter. It brings the light.". "
is, for children, there is no response to the place is very scary. But it seems to be not only to respond, timely and timely response, accurate or not, the same will allow children to produce different emotions and feelings.
think up some time ago had seen a study, and its results table
if the baby to send a signal to the mother, and the mother can give an accurate response within 7 seconds, the baby will not be frustrated. If more than 7 seconds, frustration will give birth to. If you are always frustrated, and even completely frustrated - Mom basically does not respond, then the baby will be reduced or even no longer send back to her mother.
may be some parents will wonder: why do children like this? In fact, not only children, adults, we too eager to respond, when we get along with people, if the person is always no response or response time is not accurate, we will become dull to the communication, not to mention the child. So, mom and dad can respond to the child's feelings in a timely manner, the child's feelings at that moment was confirmed, the existence of TA has been met.
but there is a point to be reminded: in response to the mentioned above, please be sure to respond to the child's feelings, and not only for things. Like the before mentioned my last night's experience, in the second time I realized that what children need, I no longer matter itself to respond to her but on the child's feelings response is given. This answer before the onset. If my response is always "good and fast", presumably the child will have room to find me, if I feel just a little, perhaps finally very likely will evolve into a rage, and may in front of children sent to: "you this child, mother said in tidy up the room, you could go to the grandmother and play well, wait a minute I came out immediately, don't quarrel & hellip; hellip;" if development in this direction, that is probably the worst. < p > so, when we found the child kept repeating do something or say something, might as well try to look for children that moment would feel what, try to respond to what the TA, maybe you will find the real needs of children and to. If we really do not know the feelings of TA, it does not matter, you can try to stop and seriously ask TA: "baby, you have been called mother, is to tell me what? "To know, the true intent of many children is their desire for existence. For such a problem, the best answer is to ensure that our children's TA permanent love and care.