In so doing, it will make the children become restless and sticky.
mamayuedu· 2016-08-09 07:08:01
did not grab the parenting guru free consultation places, I always think of my child, just a shy child, slow type:
to any unfamiliar environment, he often said that the sentence is "I am afraid". Strange environment, children are afraid to be normal.
compared with his peers, he is neither lively nor outgoing, I think it does not matter, ah, a lot of artists are like this.
being scolded, he is sensitive and easily hurt, motionless "mother hug me", I also used to.
so, when I told the experts to reflect the behavior of the child, in fact, I just want to hear the experts say that the child is so normal, but, but was a pot of cold water poured a pot of ice.
experts say that your child is obviously a lack of safety performance.
ah? What? How is that possible? Really, from the resignation of home full-time with children, I read a lot of parenting books, children's eating and sleeping I are responsible in the end, I feel pretty good. And now, I was denied, as he worked hard to build houses was finally told of shaky frustration, like a bullet, struck me deeply. Why do
children lack a sense of security? How do I develop the child's sense of security? In this regard, parenting experts master national two counselors: reply to my
song: why children would lack a sense of security?
1, the impact of the family environment, the impact of parental emotional
children lack a sense of security, the vast majority of the impact from the family environment, parents emotions. The child's sense of security, 50% from the mother's emotional stability, 50% from the stability of the relationship between the parents.
when we're at home have a sense of security, so if he is outside, some people have said some unsafe, do some unsafe things, or do some harm behavior, (then) in children will not be greatly affected, because his foundation is very good. He may be sad and sad, but he will soon be over.
in this regard, I need to reflect on: I and treasure dad three days a big noisy five days a little noisy, these, the baby is also felt. But sometimes in order to avoid the child, had 2 children I will leave a person hiding out, children in the evening to find her mother crying, feel fear and awe?
2, parents and children are easy to speak properly, many children will ask
for gospel truth "where I come from". This is a very normal children to explore their own performance, but many of us feel shy mother said, would say that you are back, you are back from the stinking puddles, you are back from the toilet. Parenting experts master national two counselors watch song had contact with such a case:
, a 8 year old child, mother took to me, said the child has a problem. The first of the dark, not confident, often even temper, crying. When mother brought the child to her mother said: "you wait for me at the door, I have a question to ask the professor. "And then push me to the office and lock the door.
I said, "what's the secret to tell me today? "
then the child said," Professor, you tell me honestly, the outside is not my biological mother? "
I asked," why do you say that?
he replied, "I think she is not.". Because she often scolded me, even sometimes hit me. "
I said:" you do not listen, she called you to teach you should be, and even a lot of your behavior to punish your mother is also a.
after listening to the child so answer me: No, I think she does not love me. When I was young, I listen to the mother said, I was back from the stinking puddles, so every day I think a problem in class. I think I can find my own father and mother with what method. "This is obviously
children have no sense of security, because you said she is back from stinking water, others have own mom and Dad, but sometimes you to her strict, he will in the heart doubt that sentence is true or false. He always wanted to, if his own mother why treat me like this. So when children ask you, we can tell your children how to, even my mom told me, he asked awkward question (how to do), this is no problem, he did not know the future will know now, this is the life education, in fact, can directly tell a child he is how come, tell him clearly. This is our China education inside the most embarrassing to say, so many of our children in his growth inside why the lack of a sense of security, why not in awe of his life, which have a relationship with our education.
listen to the experts, this case, I heartache, because the child's problems, but also the problems encountered by my children. I had never thought that he would because I say a joke, so much uneasiness, which led him to become afraid of the dark, not confident, stick people, do not believe others, what can I do to re cultivate the child's sense of security?
how to cultivate children's sense of security?
in children 0-3 years of age, at this stage, the child has always thought that with my mother is the same person, we have a word in psychology called symbiotic". He would think I was a mother, my mother is me, he needs in these three years, from the mother's body to get a sense of security, and then separated with my mother a little bit, become an independent person.
is the first mother to emotional stability, in addition to some mother company, some of her mother to go to work, relatively small company, so we try in the evening, can not entertainment is not entertainment, not party is not the party, some more at home with children. Because the day children don't see you, so the night to spend some more time together with their children, some body massage, some more hugs and kisses, to accompany him to sleep, this is my mother to pay more to do with the kids.
second, the father in the cultivation of children's sense of security is important, we give the child the best gift is the father love mother, so the mother's emotional stability, the child's sense of security, there is a half. In addition, there is a happy marriage to the child's sense of security has laid the foundation for half. So the father's role is very big. If my father often quarrel with my mother, but also very fierce to the child, the child's sense of security is affected.
no time machine can take me back to the lack of a sense of security before the child, but I can pass the expert advice to me, and to correct the error, to become a better parent for the child.